I'm Not a Woman

People should never assume someone’s gender.

I’m male.  Or, at least I was when I got dressed this morning.

I also have a relatively high voice.  I know this.  I’ve accepted it.  I’ve moved on.

Yet, some people feel the need to remind me.

The other day I was in the car on the way to rehearsal.  I was in a good mood, as I was actually running early for a change.  I was listening to the radio, dancing and singing along.  Then the station decided to play a new song.

The song was terrible.  It was stupid, cliché, repetitive.  I didn’t like it.

I pulled into a parking space as the song finished.  The deejay then announced that listeners could call in and say what the thought of the song.

Why not?

I grabbed my cell phone and punched in the number as they were announced.  The phone started to ring.

After thirty seconds, the deejay answered, asking what I thought of the song.  I was completely honest with him.

I said exactly what I disliked about the song.  I directly quoted the song, commented on the rhythm, and talked about music in general.  I thought I was very articulate.

The deejay thanked me and hung up.

I sat there, ecstatic.  My comments were about to be broadcast to people throughout the area.

I turned up the volume, ready to listen to my radio debut.

After two songs, the deejay began to speak again, saying the results on the song were in.

He started with a woman.  She loved the song.  She seemed to love the announcer more.  You could hear him desperately trying to end the conversation so he could move onto the next caller.

Then, I heard my voice.

I was saying what I disliked about the song.  I was so well-spoken.  I was so proud of myself.

My clip ended and the deejay began speaking to the next caller, a middle-aged man.  He loved the song, as did the next person, and the next, and the next.

I was alone, everyone else adored the song I despised.

After the deejay finished playing the clips of people’s responses, he began speaking again.

Disc Jockey:     "Well, it looks like everyone loved the song.  Well, almost everyone.  We did have that woman at the beginning who hated it."

It took me a second.

I was the only one who disliked the song.

I’m not a woman.

Who was the woman who disliked the song?

He thinks I’m a woman.

I’m not a woman.

I got out of my car and walked to rehearsal.  I think I dislike the song even more now.